You will never graduate
from this dream
of blue books.
No matter how
you succeed awake,
asleep there is a test
waiting to be failed.
The dream beckons
with two dull pencils,
but you haven't even
taken the course;
when you reach for a book -
it closes its door
in your face; when
you conjugate a verb -
it is in the wrong
language.
Now the pillow becomes
a blank page. Turn it
to the cool side;
you will still smother
in all of the feathers
that have to be learned
by heart.
What is it that is stopping us from ¨graduating from our dreams¨ but ourselves? Why is this test determined to be failed? Perhaps this poem is about the physical body growing up and letting go of its past, and about the spirit never actually growing old. ¨You will never graduate from this dream of blue books¨ could mean, ¨You will never let go of this goal or depression that is bothering you¨, hence the color blue. No matter how good you are while you are awake, when you're asleep you are vulnerable and exposed to who you really are. Sort of reminds me of ¨Mirror¨ by Sylvia Plath, since when you see yourself, you see the absolute truth. When you're asleep, you can't hide anything. You aren't prepared for the truth, hence why Pastan says ¨you haven't even taken the course¨. Also, Pastan points out that when you ¨reach for a book - it closes its door in your face, meaning that there is nothing that will help you except experience. You can't learn or read about how to face the truth, you can only experience it. ¨Wrong language¨, meaning misunderstanding. We won't be able to understand what we see in our dreams, or come up with an appropriate reaction to what we see, because we are not in control. ¨... All of the feathers that have to be learned by heart¨, once again reinforcing the thought that learning is only achieved through experience. Through reading this poem while in school, I feel like it touches on how we test ourselves, and those tests are the most accurate when it comes to reflecting who we are.
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